Last month I was reading Vital Signs, the Professional Photographers Association newsletter, when I came upon an article prompting member photographers to volunteer some of their time for a foundation called “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (NILMDTS).” Up until that point I had no idea such an organization, or service, existed.
Before I proceed with this post, I should first pose this question. What would you do if you knew your soon to be born baby would not live more than a few hours or days? Or put another way, fast forward ten years after this unfortunate event. How would you remember the day your baby was born? The first time you held him. The few days he spent on this earth surrounded by all who loved him.
Difficult questions indeed. But you can probably put each person into one of two distinct groups, depending on what they answer. One group would be those who consider the experience too painful, and thus would want to move on and not ponder on the memory of the child lost. The second group would be composed of those who, having dealt with the pain, accept the loss, but cherish the short time they spent with their baby. They lovingly remember that their little girl had her father’s eyes and her mother’s hands.
But given the option, would you want to have professional-quality pictures taken of your baby the time she was with you? A valid argument would be that as you get older, and your memory starts to fade, pictures would be the only thing you would still have. A faithful representation of your baby’s dark hair, his tiny little feet and hands. Would that be something you would like to look at many years from now?
The way I see it, no matter how painful the loss, you can’t deny that your baby existed, even if it was for 24 hours. We like to keep pictures and other objects that remind us of our loved ones who have passed away. Does it really matter if they lived seventy-two years or seventy-two hours? They lived. We spent time with them.
So this is the option the NILMDTS foundation gives to parents who have been told that their baby will die shortly after birth. At an appropriate time, parents are made aware that this service is available, at no cost to them. If the parents decide they want the service a volunteer photographer in the area is notified. Parents and photographer meet to get to know each other, discuss tentative date of birth and other details, etc. This means that in most cases, depending on when the baby’s ailment is detected, coordination between photographer and parents will commence months before the baby is born. As the date gets nearer the photographer goes into standby mode, knowing that at any given moment he could get the call to rush to the hospital. Depending on the baby’s condition the photographer might only have a couple of hours to get to the hospital and complete the shoot. In some cases there is no alternative but to do the job shortly after the baby has passed away.
Being the parent of three healthy boys I have to admit that I’m very lucky. My wife did have a miscarriage before again getting pregnant and having our third child. It was early in the pregnancy, but it was still painful, so I can only imagine the pain of those parents who know months in advance that they will lose the child. Holding your baby knowing she will be with you for only a few days must be a terrible experience.
After reading that newsletter I thought I should give a little something back to those parents who are not as lucky as me and my wife. Still, I had doubts about how I would react upon putting myself into that sort of situation. Having to walk into a hospital room full of grieving people, looking at that baby who hasn’t got long to live, or has already passed away, and proceed to do my job in a professional manner.
After a couple days I just decided to let destiny run its course. Knowing that there is a process where each applicant is considered and either accepted or rejected based on various factors, I pretty much decided that if I’m meant to do that kind of volunteer work, it will happen, so I filled out the application.
Last Monday I got an e-mail from the NILMDTS foundation stating that after reviewing my application they had decided to accept me as an affiliate photographer. There’s still some formalities that I need to take care of before officially getting on their photographer directory, but I should be done in a couple days. They stated that to fully complete the induction process I need to either do my first shoot or accompany one of their affiliate photographers on a shoot as an observer within the next six weeks. That “ultimatum” made it sound very official, and it got me a little nervous at first. But after a while I decided that yes it’s going to be a challenge, but it’s something I need to do.
Above, a picture of our third child, little Arturo, when he was 4 weeks old. He is now a healthy two year old boy.
